Yeah…this is Tai

Yeah…this is Tai Bismillah before I breathe, Still fighting what they don’t see. [Intro] It’s 2:17 a.m. Everybody asleep. Except my conscience. [Verse 1] When the lights go out, the truth claws through No filters, no noise, just me and You My phone face down like it’s guilty too Screen still warm from the sins I scroll through I swore “last time” a hundred times or more But weakness don’t respect the lines I draw The worst part’s not the fall, it’s knowing better That I brush the light aside to chase the bitter [Verse 2] Close to discipline, close to self-control Then one whisper splits my soul whole Five seconds of fire, hours in the dirt Trading eternity for a fleeting hurt Ya Rabb, why do I barter You for dust? Sell forever for a moment’s rust? My nafs screams louder than the truth I memorized Drowning the light I held in my youth’s bright eyes [Pre-Hook] I’m scared of sin feeling like second skin Scared my heart stops trembling when I give in Scared I’ll wake up one gray, quiet day And the guilt that saved me fades away [Chorus] Ya Allah… don’t let my heart die quietly Don’t let my sins bury me silently If I fall, let the guilt still burn deep That fire’s the thread that pulls me back to Thee I don’t want a love stitched with secrets and shame I want a wife who honors Your holy Name But how can I beg for something pure and true When I still kneel to the demons I outgrew? [Verse 3] I lower my gaze when the world’s in sight But my mind’s a war zone when the room goes quiet I preach discipline with a confident tongue Then crumble alone when the battle’s young Nobody knows the me that bargains with dark Whispers “it’s small, it’s just tonight, it’s not that far” That’s how the devil talks when he wears polite’s face Wrapping chains around me with a gentle embrace [Verse 4] I pray two rak’ahs like I’m patching walls But cracks still bleed where my ego falls Sometimes I wonder if You’re tired of my fight Then Fajr breaks… and You still wake me to light You still breathe life into my weary chest Still give me sight to pass the test Still hand me another chance to stand When I can barely lift my own trembling hand [Bridge] If You laid my secrets bare for all to see I’d lose every shred of the man they think I be If You judged me quick for the lies I’ve told I’d crumble to ash, my soul left cold But You conceal. You wait. You give me space. And I still run back to the same dark place Ya Rabb, I don’t want to be a hypocrite’s ghost Strong in the crowd, weak when I’m alone most Make me the same man in the dark’s quiet hush As the one I pretend to be when the lights are lush Strip away the mask, the lies, the pretense Leave only the truth that I’m Yours to mend [Chorus] Ya Allah… don’t let my heart die quietly Turn my weakness into humility Let my regret be proof I’m still alive As long as it burns, I can still survive Prepare me for the woman You’ll send my way Not just a lover, but a friend who’ll pray Let me meet her with a gaze held low A disciplined heart, a soul that knows [Outro] When the lights go out… I don’t want fear’s cold grip I want peace to sink deep I don’t want hidden habits that chain my feet I want hidden du’as that make my spirit meet And if I cry tonight — Let the tears wash the old man away Shape the one I’m meant to be, starting today Ya Rabb… I’m still fighting, bloodied and worn Please… don’t stop fighting for me, I’m still Yours