Table for One (And a Half Pint)

[Spoken Intro – warm, cheeky, conversational, light pub noise underneath] "Alright now—so this one’s called “Table for One (And a Half Pint).” "And I wrote it after I went into the pub one night— just for a quiet drink, like a sensible adult— and somehow became the evening’s entertainment. All I wanted was a stool, a stout, and a bit of peace. Instead, I got three marriage proposals, a lad explaining cryptocurrency, and someone’s uncle trying to teach me darts. So this is for every woman who’s ever walked into a pub alone and left as a legend." [Verse 1] Walked in out of sideways rain Hair like I’d fought a hurricane Barman says, “You meeting someone?” I said, “No, just me—and that’s enough, hon.” Fire was crackling, match on mute Old boys arguing ’bout a referee dispute Every eye did the swivel turn Like I’d just made the Guinness burn [Pre-Chorus] One lad slid down two whole seats Spilled his crisps at my feet Said, “Haven’t seen you here before…” I said, “That’s because I have a front door.” [Chorus – bright, bouncy] It’s a table for one and a half pint stout Don’t need a man to sort me out I came for peace and a bag of chips Not life advice and poker tips If you’re buyin’ drinks, form a queue I’ve got standards—and a curfew I’ll mind me business, play me part— Table for one, and a half pint heart [Verse 2] Young Buck Liam with the skinny jeans Said he’s “big on wellness and protein greens” Asked me star sign, guessed it wrong Said he writes “deep poetry songs” Then Big Mike with the county chain Tried explaining hurling again As if I hadn’t grown up here With a sliotar lodged behind me ear [Pre-Chorus] One fella whispered, “You’re brave, you are.” I said, “For sitting down? That’s not that far.” He said, “Most girls travel in packs.” I said, “Most lads need personality hacks.” [Chorus] It’s a table for one and a half pint stout Don’t need rescuing on a night out No tragic backstory, no broken crown Just me choosing to sit me down If confidence was sold in jars I’d have shares behind this bar I’ll sip me drink, ignore your chart— Table for one, and a half pint heart [Bridge – half-time, playful swagger] Maybe I like me solitude Maybe silence is me mood Maybe I came to watch the match Not be someone’s Tinder catch And if I leave the way I came With just me coat and me good name That’s a win in any book— Plus I stole a decent look [Breakdown – spoken/sung, funny] “Last orders!” the barman cried Three lads stood up all starry-eyed I waved and said, “You’re very sweet— But I’ve leftover curry to reheat.” [Final Chorus – big and joyful] It was a table for one and a half pint stout Head held high on me way back out No fairy tale, no slow dance spin Just me and the night I walked in Rain still falling, streets all dark Confidence brighter than Phoenix Park Walked in alone, left just as smart— Table for one… And a half pint heart [Outro – cheeky, soft] Next week I might try two pints… But let’s not be reckless.