Hello,

Hello, I really want to emphasise this message isn’t just a pitty party message and it’s genuine from my heart. The message that I sent two weeks ago, I’ve made a very big mistake. If I could take all that back and that never happen then I would rewind time and do just that. Since being single I’ve never ever let anyone in. I’ve had my barrier up and that’s been well and truly up for nearly 3 years now. You’re the first one and the only one, where I’ve let my guard down. That doesn’t come lightly to me and I can only reflect on that happening because of how much you really mean to me. I’m a very guarded person anyway but for the right person that guard is brought down and allowed to see all my imperfections (there are plenty). I think it stems down to me being afraid to fall for someone again and getting hurt. But I can quite clearly see on reflection that you’ve got no intention nor do you plan to do that. From what you’ve been through and everything you’ve put up with over the years. You deserve to be loved, cared for and cherished. I genuinely do want to be that person that does that for you. In a time of need, I left you stood alone and others around you had to pick up the pieces. That’s completely wrong of me and I’m willing to put that right. I know how big these next few months are for you and I want to be that person you can turn to in any given state and express yourself to me. No matter the time, the place, I want to be that person. I cannot express that enough. I’ve made a mistake and I want to put this right to you, the kids and your family how much I do care for you and want to spend a lifetime with you. You know me, I don’t often express my feelings and I think that’s probably a gratitude to the person you are that I am doing so to you (tears steaming my face, thanks). You’re beautiful, inside and out. You’re kind. You’re thoughtful. You’re caring in all senses of the matter. You’re perfectly yourself around me. You’re the best mama to those kids they could ever dream for. You’ve done majority of this on your own but I want to step up and be there for you and the kids (not saying you need a step daddy but I’m willing to support in that sense of the matter). Whilst I understand you’ve obviously put your guard up and are scared of bringing that down again. I understand that and completely get why you’d be like that. I just want that opportunity to show you that you can bring that guard down again, be perfectly yourself around me and be well and truly looked after like you deserve. I’ve genuinely missed your presence in my life and I don’t want to spend a lifetime with anyone else, but you. I have spoken to work and they’ve been nothing but supportive and thankful for me going to them to ask for advice too. They’ve sent stuff to my Sgt saying how professional I am to approach them given the situation and sensitivity. So that’s also been a massive weight off my shoulders (granted they must’ve put me on some form of suicide watch cos they been on my case all the time asking if I’m ok… lol I’m fine I’m just an idiot who’s made a mistake… can you help me get her back) I think I owe the kids an apology too which I’m more than willing to do, more so Ellabella because I’m aware that she’s older and understands more. I’m happy to sit down and chat with her in your presence and apologise to her for making her beautiful mama upset. I never ever want you to feel second best ever because that you are not. You’re top of the tree, elite tier, perfect. I just hope you can take my heartfelt apology. I’m aware actions speak louder than words but I hope you know I willing to make those actions ones you’ll never forget.