Verse 1

Verse 1 I found your jacket in the back of my car Still smells like smoke and the nights were too hard I held it close like it might bring you back But all that it brought was the ache that I lack You used to carry me high on your shoulders Said I was brave when the whole world felt colder You were my hero, my safe and my home So why did you leave me to learn this alone Pre-Chorus There’s two of you living inside of my head One that I love and one I resent Chorus I don’t know how to miss you normally Every memory’s a war inside of me Half of my heart is begging you stay Half of my heart still pushes away I wanna hate you for breaking our name For choosing your demons and feeding the flame But I still love you, and God that’s the truth I don’t know how to miss you I don’t know how to miss you Verse 2 I hear your voice when I’m trying to sleep Telling me, “Baby girl, you’re strong like me” But strong doesn’t feel like this kind of pain Strong doesn’t shatter again and again I’m sorry for all of the anger I hold I’m sorry I’m bitter, I’m sorry I’m cold I’m sorry I love you and hate you the same I’m sorry your memory don’t feel like a place Pre-Chorus I want my dad, not the ghost that you were Not the last version that slowly got worse Chorus I don’t know how to miss you normally Every memory’s a war inside of me Half of my heart is begging you stay Half of my heart still pushes away I wanna hate you for all that you did For hurting the child that you once protected But I still love you, and God that’s the truth I don’t know how to miss you Bridge Sometimes I talk to you like you’re still here Sometimes I scream at you through all my tears Sometimes I wish I could make myself numb Sometimes I wish you were still who you were Before all the darkness Before all the pain Before I had reasons To whisper your name And break Final Chorus I don’t know how to miss you peacefully You’re every wound that still lives in me I carry your love and I carry your blame I carry a child that still feels the same I wanna remember the best of you But the worst of you won’t let me through And I’m still your daughter, I always will be I just wish missing you didn’t break me Outro I’m sorry, Dad For the way my heart fights my mind I’m sorry I don’t know how to miss you right I just don’t know how I just don’t know how