Ruined

I ruin everything always (scream, fast, clipped) Every plan I touch collapses like cheap chairs under friends Luck hates my name (scream, uneven rhythm) I swear the universe trips me when I finally start running I learn the hard way (scream, breathless) By carving every lesson straight into my ribs again Same damn mistakes (scream, rising pitch) I see the warning signs and somehow speed the fuck up (PRE-CHORUS) I know it’s me (scream but pull back slightly, shaky) I know I’m probably the reason this keeps happening But I can’t wrap my head around it I own the blame (scream, cracked voice) But owning it hasn’t fixed a single goddamn thing (CHORUS) I fuck it up It’s always sideways (full scream, sustain last word) Every good intention finds a new way to burn down Still I believe (scream with desperation) That one day something works and I won’t flinch first I hold my breath (scream then break) Waiting for proof I’m not cursed for existing the way it sounds when the words come out How foolish those try thoughts are, like a fairytale But god, I can’t hold my breath forever. I’m tired And I want to quit playing your games Some days I just wanna not exist Can’t figure out why I ruin every single thing Out of gas and outta tears, I just stop trying (VERSE 2) I overthink everything daily (scream, rushed, almost tripping) Replaying conversations like you meant the things that you said I bite my tongue (scream, punchy) Then wonder why nobody knows what I meant Trying my best here (scream with frustration) Which somehow looks exactly like self-sabotage Hope feels dangerous (scream, tense, sharp) Like trusting ice that already cracked once Love feels impossible I can’t give it away Not then, not now, not ever Screams……. Ashamed of myself and yelling to a young that isn’t there Cries just for you…… to give a god damned single fuck about me I needed you to save me. Reaching out for your warmth Yeah I fucked it alll up (PRE-CHORUS 2) I swear I’m trying (scream, tired but loud) I’m not romanticizing being this fucking tired My cries…. for your attention Go unanswered Can’t bare to look at our old pictures or myself in the mirror I want the calm, but I lost myself I want to release the tension Smiles fade into depression I can’t go on pretending I didn’t fuck it all up again I don’t understand why the hell you can’t love me (scream, sustained)its just another birthday uncelebrated. Being used was just traded for a growing emptiness and silence (CHORUS )(PUSH HARDER) I fuck it up (full scream, louder than before) Right when it feels like the timing is finally right Still I believe (scream, pleading) you love me, but I know I’m blind I need to know (scream, voice cracking) why im so stupid. I missed all the signs I know time can’t heal , and every I love you wasn’t real. My hearts can’t change how it feels. If I ever did have a chance I’m sure I fucked it up. (BRIDGE )(UNHINGED) If this is growth (unhinged scream, chaotic timing) Then why does it feel like I’m bleeding again I’m still standing (scream, shaky sustain) But barely convinced that that actually counts Let me have one (scream, desperate) One single win I don’t have to defend Let it be real (scream then drop suddenly) Not something I jinx by noticing it (FINAL CHORUS / OUTRO) I fuck it up (full scream, controlled) But maybe that’s not the end of the sentence now Maybe someday (scream, hopeful but strained) Things finally work and I don’t question how I fuck it up (scream, fading grit) But I’m still here screaming into tomorrow But no ones there to hear me One day it works (scream, hold last word until distortion) And I swear I’ll let myself believe it does