I Worked So Hard

they say I’m good at something
I must be, what comes to mind is nothing
I try so hard, I work so hard
but what’s always up is my guard
I keep my spirits up,
something will come along
I’ll finish this chapter strong 
the Fool never stops working
the Fool is always smirking
Cuz she’s got it all under control
Petals grow in her soul
along with thorns that grip at her
but she knows this battle’s over 
they call me promising like that pays,
like praise is currency for days
like potential is enough in this world
so you see me here, unfurled I get paid in state and prayer
which is great but it’s much simpler
then the reality I face, troubled rent don’t bend for “almost”
groceries don’t take applause
I’m rich in “you’re so brave”
but broke in all the laws 
I keep applying, paper prayers
I keep volunteering, paid in stares
a résumé of open hands
that never learn to make demands they say “keep going, it’ll click”
like a lock I never chose
like the door is mine to open
while they’re holding all the codes the Fool keeps showing up
with a grin like a disguise
turning panic into posture
turning tears into replies 
Petals grow, I won’t deny
I’ve seen beauty in the mess
but the thorns have names too
and they bite when I say “yes” 
they call me promising like that pays,
like praise is currency for days
like potential is enough in this world
so you see me here, unfurled I get paid in state and prayer
which is great but it’s much simpler
then the reality I face, troubled rent don’t bend for “almost”
groceries don’t take applause
I’m rich in “you’re so brave”
but broke in all the laws 
I’m tired of being “inspiring”
when I’m asking to be paid
tired of being “so resilient”
when I’m trying to be okay so I’ll finish this chapter strong
not by smiling through the bruise
but by naming what I’m owed
and choosing what I choose and if something does come along
let it come with weight and proof
not just hands that clap for me
then disappear into the roof 
they call me promising like that pays,
like praise is currency for days
like potential is enough in this world
so you see me here, unfurled I get paid in state and prayer
which is great but it’s much simpler
then the reality I face, troubled rent don’t bend for “almost”
groceries don’t take applause
but I keep my spirits up,
something will come along
I’ll finish this chapter strong the Fool never stops working
the Fool is always smirking
Cuz she’s got it all under control
Petals grow in her soul