i would like a song for my best friend 25 birthday

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i would like a song for my best friend 25 birthday, her name is tilda, i would be fun it is stuff about her in the song, shes always late, can puke mulitible times and still drink more, she always gets sick and get all around her sick, bet she gives very good advice and is very lojal, she loves music and is very funnsy, she cant follow nstruktions thow, please a song with o good beat