i parked on the terrace

i broke my leg in the winter of ‘09 riding a bike i was far too big for sometimes i call it the first time i’ve fallen while standing up for something i wanted but really shouldn’t have i’ve got a habit of throwing all caution to the wind and that’s why i’ve got xrays in binders and broken glasses amidst all my weed stems there’s a beaker on the shelf that hasn’t seen science since the fair that i won back in 2013 my heart was so full then, i’ve peaked at the yearbook from many years back, when my smile still held all it’s original teeth and i wonder what mom did when i slipped them under my pillow and stayed awake til my eyes burned and i eventually fell asleep and i wish i could tell her i’m sorry the little me that still believed that santa would come down a chimney i don’t have that i wish i didn’t have to take her wonder, but it’s locked up safe with me because to preserve something special you need to be willing to throw away the key now my house is a graveyard of past pets and car shells, transmissions that sputter and engines that squeal we always say we’ll just call a tow truck but it’s been a few years and they still haven’t come and i can’t remember the last time i fixed up a project, or opened the garage door i just kind of pull my car in and sit in the driveway and feel like the caddy that sits on the lawn and i wish i could tell her i’m sorry the little me that still believed that santa would come down a chimney i don’t have that i wish i didn’t have to take her wonder, but it’s locked up safe with me because to preserve something special you need to be willing to throw away the key