WOMAN

WOMAN

Intimate, emotionally fragile chamber musical solo beginning at a slow, suspended tempo around 56–60 bpm, led by a warm alto or contralto voice with minimal vibrato and exposed phrasing, supported by sustained cello drone, soft harmonium or organ pad, and sparse piano chords; melody initially narrow and prayer-like, almost hymn-adjacent but unresolved, gradually expanding in range as doubt deepens, harmonies shifting subtly from stable major/modal tones into more ambiguous minor and suspended chords, dynamics building gently through vocal intensity rather than heavy orchestration, no percussion at first with perhaps a faint low pulse entering late to suggest inner unrest, overall tone reverent yet cracked, contemplative, spiritually shaken, and quietly devastating, ending on an unresolved sustained note that fades rather than resolves.

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Lyrics

WOMAN How can I believe When the walls are thin? When the prayers I’ve whispered Echo back as sin? How can I believe What I used to know When the light I followed Doesn’t seem to glow? I wore the habit Like a shield. I thought obedience Would heal. I thought surrender Made us strong. I thought endurance Was not wrong. I thought the bruises Had a place Inside a larger Plan of grace. But I have seen Their shaking hands. I have heard What no one planned. I have watched The silence grow Where mercy Should have been allowed to show. How can I believe When belief feels small? When the house we built Cannot hold at all? How can I believe That this is right When God feels farther Every night? I told myself It was for good. That suffering Was understood. That discipline Was love in form. That pain could Make a spirit warm. But pain can hollow. Pain can hide. Pain can turn A heart aside. If faith is blind Then I have seen. If faith is pure Why is this unclean? If God is mercy Why this fear? Why do the innocent Disappear? I wanted heaven Sharp and clear. I wanted holiness Without the smear Of doubt that creeps Between the pews. Of truth that cuts The one who knew. How can I believe If I must lie? If I must look And still deny? How can I believe And close my eyes To daughters Buried Under guise? I do not want To lose my faith. But faith that breaks At truth’s embrace— Was never faith. It was control. And God is not A guarded role. If He is real He can survive The fall of what We kept alive. So let the walls Begin to grieve. I am still praying— But I don’t know How to believe.