Direction (15 Feb) v11

That was a surprise, I just did not expect it, my heads in a spin, my souls in a daze, seems it’s going to be one of those days. Now I just sit on the floor with my back to the wall, trying to take in the call that just ended it all. I stare at the pictures and gaze in to space, everything looks the same but everything’s changed. I wonder what went wrong, and wonder what you mean when you say it’s not me it’s you. I thought we wanted the same things, clearly that’s not true, I can’t help but think - what is it that someone else can give you? I guess it’s good to know you were never going to be true, but how long is it going to take for me to stop talking about you, I know no one wants to hear about my problems and I really need to find a new sense of direction. I wonder what I will do, I have no energy and my heart feels heavy, I just can’t sit here feeling sorry for myself, but my head keeps replaying events of the past, how long are these feelings going to last? It’s hard to be bubbly when you know you’re not good company, my friends try and help me out, I am so glad I have them, I hope that one day I can re-pay them. I pray every day for some kind of saviour, being without you seems to be getting harder, surely someone out there will reach me, I can’t spend the rest of my life being a non-starter. I know I will get over it, I even try and force it, being like this is just no good, I know I can’t go back and even if I could what would be different? I would just replay it the same, the same as before. I guess for now I am happy being sad, being on my own isn’t really that bad, I still pray my saviour will come and all this madness can be undone, I know my saviour will come and all my sadness will be undone.