I was sittin in my office

I was sittin in my office A. K. A. “The Liars Lair” My usual bar Usual chair I watched her get up from her table And come sit next to me With all that long blonde hair And those double D’s She said I hope you don’t mind If I sit here a while I got no one to talk to And I like your smile I know we’ve never met But what the hell Tell me somethin You’ve never told anyone else BRIDGE 1 Now she seemed so sweet In her radiant youth So I told her somethin I’d never told before, I told her the truth CHORUS I’m a little bit long in the tooth Short in the wallet Good in bed? Depends on how you call it I can shotgun a beer While playin Dixie on a rubber band And if you’re lookin for a good-time friend Darlin, I’m your man I figured that’d send her Runnin for the door Instead she just laughed And said I wanna hear more I just I pretend to like football I cheat at cards And with the wife of a friend In the back of his car Every time I get fired I blame the boss I even lie to my dentist Bout how much I floss I am a bona fide master At passin the buck But all my failures, they’re on me And not bad luck BRIDGE 2 Now the closet door was open, The skeletons were glowin But fool that I am I kept right on goin CHORUS 2 I’m a little bit long in the tooth Short in the wallet Been married twice Both times I defaulted Guess you could say Commitment ain’t in the plan But if you’re lookin for a good-time friend Darlin, I’m your man BRIDGE 3 There was nothin left to say She knew all the dirt But as I stood to leave She grabbed the sleeve of my shirt CHORUS 3 (She said) I’m a little bit young But I’m not stupid Endured my share of bullshit Disguised as Cupid So thank you for not dumpin A load of it on me just now And if you’re lookin for a good-time friend Mister, I’m your gal CHORUS 4 I’m a little bit long in the tooth Short in the wallet Been claimed by the devil I’m just tryin to stall him I don’t know much But I do know who I am Oh, and I really can Shotgun a beer While playin Dixie on a rubber band (with just one hand) So, if you’re lookin for a good-time friend You ain’t frightened by a little sin You’re not worried where this road might end Then, Darlin I’m your man